It is important for you to maintain emotional health and well being while going through any stressful time. Divorce is no exception. Below are some simple tips to help you get through the stress of being involved in a divorce.
You may be feeling hurt. You may be feeling angry. A first step in recovering from these bad feelings is to accept the fact that it is okay to feel this way. Whether a divorce is a complex and aggressive matter or a simple agreed dissolution, this is not a pleasant time in your life. Say to yourself that its okay to be mad, its okay to be hurt, and its okay to feel bad. Acknowledge that your justified in these feelings and that everyone has them. Most of all do not feel guilty about being upset, this only adds to the level and length of your unhappiness. Accept that you have good reason, for now, to feel these feelings and you will be well on your way to feeling better.
Perhaps the most important thing to remember is that a divorce is a process, which has a beginning, middle and end. Stay focused on the fact of that there is an end. People suffering from serious despair during divorce are often referred to as suffering from “situational depression.” This simply means that they are suffering despair based upon a specific situation and not life in general. Know that your situation will come to a close and you can maintain a focus of having hope that there will absolutely be an improvement in the way that you feel.
Make every effort on a weekly and daily basis to sit down and set out things you wish to accomplish. Minimize down time. Even if its things as simple as cleaning out that closet you have been meaning to get to, or sorting through your tools. Schedule your time to stay as active as possible. Not only will you get an amazing amount accomplished, but also you will keep yourself focused both physically and mentally on positive things rather than reflecting on the negative.
There are many things during a divorce that you cannot control, however, your attitude is one thing that you can control. Dwelling on the negative aspects of a divorce will neither change them nor make them better. Focus on the positive thoughts that the process will come to an end and that your life will change, and that change can open up vast opportunities that never existed before. You’re coming out of a situation that was not good, head towards thinking about the good life ahead.
Pamper yourself more than you usually would. Take the opportunity for recreational and social activities of enjoyment that you may not have been able to while maintaining a household and a marriage. Stay physically active. There have been a number of studies that show that physical activity and exercise go very far in battling despair.
Seeing what is happening to yourself as an excuse for excessive partying, or the abuse of drugs or alcohol will only force you deeper into despair.
This is especially true if you and your spouse engaged in activities together. Going back to the same gym or the same club or the same bowling alley can only bring memories of your past life. Take the time now to pursue interests maybe that you have put off or always wanted to do but never got around it. Begin your new life as soon as possible and you will accelerate your recovery.
If you are involved in a divorce where your spouse is behaving badly or attempting to take an unfair advantage, it is very easy to have the attitude of “fighting fire with fire.” This can have detrimental consequences on you and your children. Stay above the fray and don’t lower yourself to that level. Respect yourself and you will look back on this time knowing that, in all ways, you did the right thing.
All to often people are willing to give away long term success for short term relief. Sometimes this is because of the cost of litigation. Sometimes it’s because they feel guilty that they are responsible for the end of the marriage. Sometimes it is because they simply want the stress of everything to go away. If you feel overcome by these things and feel that it would just be better to give your spouse everything, think about the day that this will be over. Some day soon this anxiety will go away, but if you give in now and make a bad deal you will live with it forever.
One of the biggest problems that divorcing couples have is that often they will have so many mutual friends. Mutual friends on their own can feel conflicted and sometimes that leads to people cutting themselves off. You can either brave new social relationships and make new friends or maintain your contact with your old friends and make them comfortable simply by not discussing your spouse. However you approach it, friendship and social engagement is important now. Being alone and reflecting has its value, but you should not isolate yourself from the world.
If the weight of your divorce is overwhelming a professional psychologist or psychiatrist who has a focused practice in helping people recover from divorce can be a great help.
One of the biggest complaints that people have with their divorce attorney is that they can never talk to them and never receive callbacks. An experienced family lawyer will keep an open line of communication with you because they know that answering your questions in a timely fashion helps not only to keep you informed, but also keeps you confident that things are going well.
Do not despair when your spouse says things like, “You’ll never see the kids” or “I’ll leave you with nothing” Chances are your spouse is not a divorce attorney and has no idea what they are talking about. Consult with your attorney before reacting emotionally to any threat. Almost always you will find that there is no reason to stress over these comments.
If your spouse will not speak to you reasonably, stop speaking to them. Do not take their call, emails or text messages. Refer them to your attorney, or to their own attorney to communicate with yours. You don’t need the added stress and besides one of the reasons you have (or should have) an attorney is to represent you. You need not deal directly with your spouse if it is causing too much stress.
A different day is coming. Be positive about it and be ready for it. Think of all the things you can accomplish now. You are in a position to remake your life, a second chance that few get. Start out with a road map of where you want to be in the future.
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